


Songs

by dinglesugdendinglesugden



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Aarons past mentioned, Angst, Depression, Fluff, M/M, Miscarriage, pills mention, very sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-13
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2018-10-31 10:13:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 14,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10897206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dinglesugdendinglesugden/pseuds/dinglesugdendinglesugden
Summary: A compilation of fics based around songs that remind me of Robron.Feel free to send me prompts:)Tumblr: robertjacobsuggersChapter 9: Small Bump- Ed Sheeran





	1. Still Into You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This song is Still Into You by Paramore. I've been getting back into this band recently and I would definitely recommend their new album.  
> As a warning, Aaron's sexual abuse past is mentioned here but not in detail at all.

_Can't count the years on one hand that we've been together._

 

Although they didn't start off in the most practical of ways, Aaron and Robert have been together for six years. It definitely hasn't been the easiest ride, with arguments and fights sometimes lasting for days, but as always, they had gotten through it. Recently Robert had been insecure as Aaron had gotten closer to somebody he met on a night out. Deep down, Robert knew nothing was going on, but still, he started an argument with Aaron about 'his new boy', causing Aaron to walk out of their house, their home.

_I need the other one to hold you. Make you feel,make you feel better._

It had been three days. Three days since their worst argument until Aaron walked back through the door. He didn't even talk to Robert at first, he just sat down on the kitchen table whilst Robert was sat in his usual space on the sofa. Robert had walked through to the kitchen and turned on the kettle, and made them both some coffee. When Aaron looked up at Robert, he had seen that he was wearing Aaron's purple jacket and his own joggers, something that Aaron knew he only felt comfortable in around him. They talked for hours, about how important their marriage was and how they couldn't let the other one go. Robert made the first move and wrapped his arms around Aaron, kissing his forehead before hugging him properly. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "It won't happen again."

_It's not a walk in the park, to love each other._

They knew that things were always going to get in the way. In the early stages of their relationship, Robert's ex returned to the village. Nothing happened between them, Aaron and their family knew that. But that didn't stop her from constantly claiming that Robert was jumping into her bed with every opportunity he had. They had struggled. Definitely struggled when she had persuaded half the village that Aaron was blind and stupid for being with the man he loved. They all thought that Robert had gone back to his old ways, that it was inevitable that he was unfaithful to Aaron. It drained them, emotionally and physically. And she knew that. She thought she succeeded and that Robert was going to get back with her, but when she heard him saying "Will you marry me?" while on one knee, it wasn't to her- it was to Aaron.

_But when our fingers interlock, can't deny, can't deny, you're worth it._

Their engagement party had gone on long through the night, Robert mingling with the Dingles which brought a smile to Aaron's face. They had spent the majority of the night being together, but occasionally being dragged apart by their families, so being led in their own bed felt so nice. Aaron rolled over and saw that Robert was already facing him. They kissed gently before Robert held onto Aaron's left hand, rubbing his thumb over the simple, silver band. He slowly brought the hand to his lips and kissed it softly, eliciting s blush across Aaron's cheeks. Aaron opened his fingers slightly, motioning to Robert to put his own fingers between them. The coolness of the ring pressed on to Robert's hand, sending a chill up his spine that he has Aaron for life. "I can't wait." Aaron said.

"What for?" Robert asked, not pulling his eyes away from their interlocked hands.

"To call you my husband."

_Cause after all this time, I'm still into you._

Husband. That felt amazing. They had a long engagement, lasting three years but they had finally tied the knot in front of all their friends and family, sealing their heartfelt vows with a kiss that made many parents cover their young children's eyes as it was so passionate, something that should probably only be done in the bedroom. Even after the years they had spent together, Aaron still knew how to make Robert feel like it was the first time they touched and vice versa. After the wedding speeches, they had kissed again, but the tears made it harder to find each others lips and so they bumped noses, giggling like children as they pulled away.

_I should be over all the butterflies, but I'm into you._

Every kiss and every hug they shared together still gave Aaron a funny feeling in his stomach. He loved it though. One time, he tried to explain it to Robert without sounded too childish, but Robert just laughed at his husband. Aaron pulled his face as he watched Robert going bright red in the face laughing at him. When Robert had finally calmed down, Aaron looked so angry that Robert knew he shouldn't have laughed that much and so he leaned up closer to Aaron's neck, leaving gentle kisses and slight nips just below Aaron's ear. "Sorry" he whispered. "I get them too y'know? Only with you, only ever with you." 

_And baby even on our worst nights, I'm into you._

Robert knew that the nightmare was coming. Aaron had been jumping at the slightest sounds all day and Robert knew exactly why. It had been 10 years. Ten years since that monster abused Aaron for the last time. Ten years since Aaron had run away. Ten years since he came back to Emmerdale. Aaron was tossing and turning in bed, sweating and murmuring "no" and "get off me" repeatedly. Robert got up out of bed and ran over to Aaron's side, turning the light on on his way. He knelt down and gently started whispering Aaron's name, trying to wake him up. When Aaron opened his eyes, Robert's heart broke at how red and watery they were. Looking directly into them he said, "I'm going to touch your face, is that okay?" 

Aaron nodded and so Robert softly put his hand to Aaron's cheek, gently stroking it to calm him down. This continued for a while before Aaron had relaxed. They didn't have to speak, but they knew that they'd be okay. 

"I love you." Aaron said, moving his head to kiss the side of Robert's hand.

 

 


	2. Mercy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This song is Mercy by Shawn Mendes, which was actually prompted by @irshbeth-blog on tumblr so thank you!
> 
> Robert and Aaron have an argument over Liv, but they soon come back from it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to leave prompts here or over on tumblr, @robertjacobsuggers

_You've got a hold on me, don't even know your power._

From the moment they had met, Robert was incapable of letting Aaron go. There was just something about him, that made Robert want to spend every second with him. On the first night they slept together, Robert had curled his body so tight around Aaron, their legs intertwined, Robert's arm over Aaron's, fingers aching to touch. Robert moved his head forward, resting it against the top of Aaron's neck, sweat dripping onto Robert's skin, but neither of them seemed to mind it. 

_I stand a hundred feet, but I fall when I'm around ya._

Robert was taller than Aaron. And they both knew it. When they hugged, Aaron's head rested against Robert's collarbone, while Robert could put his chin on top of Aaron's head. When they kissed, Aaron had to lean up slightly in order to initiate their embrace. Despite the height difference, Robert was the weakest around his boyfriend. If they had a fight, Robert was the first to fall to his knees in forgiveness. Sometimes he stayed down there for much longer, but that was for a different reason entirely.

_Show me an open door, then you go and slam it on me._

This argument had been the worst they had for a long time. Aaron's little sister, Liv, had come to live with them recently and as she didn't really get along with Robert, it felt as though he was being pushed out from the family. The fight was inevitable, especially when Robert had bribed Liv with £50 to go shopping for the day so he and Aaron could have some alone time. It was fine at first, until she had texted Aaron to tell him exactly what Robert had done. 

"You gave my sister money to leave us alone?!" Aaron shouted. "She's my sister, Robert! You don't see me paying Vic to leave us alone, do ya?!" 

Aaron was putting his shoes on and rushing around to find his keys. Liv had got lost in Hotten after being chased by some boys, so Aaron was going to find her. 

"I thought we were getting better, Rob. I thought we'd be a proper family because she needs one. Just get out." He said weakly. He didn't have the energy to fight with Robert right now, and so he walked to the door, showing Robert out and slammed it behind him.

_I can't take it anymore_

Aaron had found Liv quite quickly, recognising the part of town as the place that Robert had taken him on their first date. When she got into the car, she tried to speak about Robert, but the look on Aaron's face told her that it probably wasn't a good idea. She turned the radio on, but Aaron soon reached out and turned it off. "I don't agree with what he did. But you need to understand that I love him, and you're my little sister. I can't be shared between the both of you, it's all three of us together or none at all. I can't take the constant arguments anymore, and yes, yes I will be saying this to him as well." He told her as he continued to drive towards Emmerdale. Liv didn't say anything, just nodded and knew that as long as her and Robert don't argue, her and Aaron would be fine.

_I'm saying baby please have mercy on me, take it easy on my heart. Even though you don't mean to hurt me, you keep tearing me apart._

They had come back from the argument, but it had taken a while. Aaron, Robert and Liv all sat down at the kitchen table, talking about how they feel. Liv didn't hate Robert, she just wanted to have her brother to herself sometimes and so they came to the compromise that at least once a month, her and Aaron would go out and do something special together. Their little family worked, Robert and Liv had gotten closer over the years, and he even took a part in helping her pass her GCSEs. (They'd hugged and cried on results day, but nobody knew about that.) When the time had come to it, Liv even helped Robert proposing to her brother, getting Aaron in the right place at the right time. 

Of course Robert and Aaron continued to have arguments, but it was mainly over who left the toilet seat up and left the lid off the toothpaste.

 

 


	3. Can't Help Falling In Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New format for me, this is 4 times over the years where Robert has heard this song.  
> Can't Help Falling In Love- Elvis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been brought up to be a massive Elvis fan, and when I heard this song yesterday I knew I wanted to do something like this.

** First Time **

Robert was sat playing on his Gameboy, swinging his legs on the rather large kitchen chair. His dad was out with Andy on the farm, and Victoria was playing with her dolls in the living room. His mum danced around the quite small kitchen, moving to grab certain vegetables for the soup she was making. The radio cracked under the poor connection, but the song was still recognisable. 

_Wise men say, only fools rush in_

Sarah gasped, "Oh Robert! I love this song!" she said as she carried on peeling and chopping carrots. 

Robert was relaxed. He wasn't arguing with Andy for once, little Victoria wasn't screaming, and he had his mum to himself. Sarah sang and hummed along to Elvis, whilst Robert began to sway his head from side to side in time with the music. The song continued, all crackly but Robert enjoyed it. He enjoyed the time he spent with his mum. He joined in with the chorus, singing in a child like way. The song was catchy and he had picked up a few of the lyrics.

_Take my hand, take my whole life too._

Sarah looked back to see Robert dancing along to the song, trying to sing along while having his eyes on his game. She chuckled lightly and picked up a piece of carrot she had just cut, turning around and put it on the table for Robert to eat. She kissed his head and carried on with the food.

**Second Time**

Chrissie had turned the TV on and it was playing songs from the 60's. Robert sat with his laptop on his knees, looking through potential contracts and emails. Chrissie was sat next to him, looking through her phone rather than focusing on the programme she had chosen to watch. The Beach Boys' Good Vibrations had just finished, and the announcer had said, "One for all the lovebirds out there, this is from way back in 1962. This is Can't Help Falling In Love by Elvis himself." 

Robert stopped typing as soon as he heard it, his mind going back in time to 18 years ago, being sat in the kitchen with his mum singing along.

_Like a river flows, surely to the sea_

A lot had changed since then. His mum had died, Robert had moved away, his dad had died, Robert met Chrissie. They had gotten engaged! 

Chrissie broke Robert from his daydream. "This could be our first dance!" She exclaimed. 

Robert shut his laptop slightly, but not making a move to look at his fiance. "No." He said, not offering any explanation why. 

Chrissie had folded her arms and frowned, knowing from his voice that Robert wasn't going to budge from his decision. 

**Third Time**

Robert and Chrissie hadn't worked out, thank God. They moved back to Robert's home village shortly before they were due to get married. The wedding didn't happen. Robert had met a man, Aaron, only a month after moving back to Emmerdale and they had started an affair. Chrissie had found out six months into the affair, a  few weeks before the wedding. Robert invited Aaron to stay with him up at Home Farm for the week, believing that Chrissie was going to be away for the entire duration. They had been in bed, Aaron on top of Robert, kissing, when Chrissie walked in and screamed.

It had been 20 years since Robert had first heard the song, when he and Aaron drove to their holiday in Wales. 

_Shall I stay? Would it be a sin, if I can't help falling in love with you?_

Robert's grip on the steering wheel tightened, making his knuckles go white under the pressure. Aaron looked at him and carefully put his hand on Robert's thigh. "Want me to change the radio?" Aaron asked.

Of course it had to come on when they were finally happy and ready to escape the village for week. Of course this holiday had to start off badly; it was just Robert's luck.

Robert had told Aaron about his mum, he was the only person he trusted with such a personal thing. They knew each others secrets, and protected each other from them.

Robert just said "No, its fine." and honestly, it was. As long as he had Aaron by his side he could listen to it. He even enjoyed it. His mind took him back to being at peace as a child, and although he had been through pain in the years between then and now, he was finally at peace again. 

**Fourth Time**

In the three years that followed Aaron and Robert going on their first holiday to Wales, a lot had certainly changed. Aaron's little sister had joined their family of two, becoming three, and a months later, Aaron got on one knee in front of everyone in the pub, proposing to Robert; they got married and adopted a little boy. The fourth time Robert heard the song, both him and Aaron had taken their one year old son to Liv's school concert. 

When she turned up in the village, she began running riot, putting graffiti on houses and stealing drink from the pub. Robert decided that he was going to push her into using her energy for something else, so when they bought The Mill, he also bought her a keyboard to learn songs on. It took her a couple of months, but with the help of a music teacher she could actually play really well, and so her and Robert put their money together and bought a Yamaha piano. After they adopted their son, Liv was spending less time at her piano because she didn't want to miss out on her nephew growing up, but what Robert and Aaron didn't know was that Liv was practising in school for a concert. 

When they had gotten their invitation to go they had been shocked, but promised Liv that the three of them would be there to watch her. 

Liv had gone up on stage and smiled at her family sitting in the seats below. She could see that her nephew was stood up on her brothers legs, Robert trying to stop him from clapping whilst Liv was playing. 

Aaron and Robert smiled at each other knowingly when Liv began to play. They recognised the song straight away. They should have guessed it was coming really, Liv had recently been getting into songs from before Robert was even born. 

_Darling, so it goes, somethings are meant to be_

Liv had finished her stunning performance and Robert and Aaron were the first people to stand up and applaud her, the baby in Aaron's arm also clapping loudly. Liv came running down off stage and straight into Robert's arms, Robert stroking her hair while tears fell from the corner of his eyes. He had kissed her head gently, just like his mum did all those years ago, whispering "We all love you so much."

 

 

 


	4. Photograph

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert has died and Aaron and Liv decide to look through some old photos of his life before, and with them.
> 
> Tumblr: @robertjacobsuggers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Definitely a sad one, but I've started my exams and my brain instantly wants to write a sad fic.  
> Song is Photograph- Ed Sheeran.

_Loving can hurt, loving can hurt sometimes, but it's the only thing that I know._

It had been 3 months. Three months since Robert Sugden had been beaten by cancer. He had tried to fight it right until the end, but his body was too weak to move and he struggled to breathe. In the end, he was cuddling with his husband Aaron, and Liv with Victoria at his bedside. His closest family. Throughout the illness, Aaron had tried to stay strong for Robert, not wanting to let his husband know how much this was affecting him. Robert had been so brave, he knew what was coming, he prepared himself to die when the oncologist told him it was inoperable. They had cried, cried for what seemed like days; not wanting to let go of each other in case it was the last time they touched. Aaron made sure that he told Robert he loved him everyday, something that Robert knew was hard for him. 

_When it gets hard, you know it gets hard sometimes. It is the only thing that makes us feel alive._

Aaron was the first person Robert told. He had been getting short of breath and felt sick all the time. Some days he struggled to get out of bed because of how much pain he was in. Aaron had thought he'd never hear anyone say to him "I've got cancer." He wished it all away. He wished Robert would get better, and that they could grow old together, just like they planned to on their wedding day. There were so many things that they hadn't done. They hadn't even had their first pet, Aaron wanted to be a dad with Robert, wanted to celebrate their gold anniversary together, to tell their grandchildren "back in my day". They had so much to look forward to. So much to make them feel alive.

They had struggled telling Liv. Robert wanted to do it alone, but Aaron wouldn't let him. He didn't want Robert to go through anything alone. They had sat her down, and she knew instantly that something was wrong. She thought they were breaking up. "I'm dying, Liv." Robert had said, reaching out to hug her. They had gotten closer recently, and now they we're getting torn away from their bond.

Liv cried, and cried. She even screamed. "This isn't fair." She repeated, over and over again. The boys agreed with that.

_We keep this love in a photograph, we made these memories for ourselves._

Aaron bought a box down from the spare bedroom in the Mill. Liv had seen the box before, on the odd occasion she had ventured into the room, but never looked in. He placed it on the table that Liv was sat at. He smiled at her, she was wearing Robert's jumper again. "That's gonna start smelling soon y'know?" He said, knowing that she wouldn't let Aaron wash it.

"I don't care." Liv said, wrapping the ends of it into her hands and clenching them shut. It was too big for her, of course it was. But Aaron adored it. And so did Liv. "It still smells like him."

Aaron stroked her hair before he put his hand in the box and pulled out some old photos of a baby. Liv recognised the man who was holding the baby as Jack, Robert's dad. She had seen photos of him when she first moved into the pub with them, but always knew that asking about him was a sore point. So that baby must have been Robert? Her head shot up and looked at Aaron, them having a silent conversation. He nodded his head and sat down next to her. 

Robert had told him that he wanted him to keep the photos. He wanted Liv to see them, he wanted her to know about his life before the two of them. So one night, while Liv was at Gabby's, they had sat up in bed for hours on end, Robert going through the photos one by one, coughing every so often, telling Aaron the story of his life.

They had looked through the photos. One by one, Aaron telling Liv all that he remembered Robert telling him. They had laughed at baby Robert, naked in the bath and stropping at his mum taking the photo. They had cried, photos of Robert as a teenager with a younger Victoria by his side, grinning into the camera. Robert told Aaron that he remembered the photo being taken, and that he had pushed Andy out of shot just before it was taken, he still remembers Andy shouting at him for that one. 

They came to the part of Robert's life that hardly anyone knew about. His dad had just kicked him out of Emmerdale, and Robert was living in London. Liv snorted at the first picture of that era. Robert has shoulder length, dark bron hair. Aaron remembered laughing at that one too, to which Robert replied "Oi! It was the trend back then!"

After laughing at more photos of the tragic hair do's, Aaron smirked as he knew what came next. The first photo of them together. Aaron could tell Liv all about that one. They had been led in a posh hotel bed, Robert messing about on Aaron's phone whilst Aaron rested his head on his chest. Robert had looked down at him, before going on the camera app and leaning down to kiss Aaron's head and take a photo of it. Robert didn't know that Aaron kept it as his lockscreen for months after that, and Liv didn't need to know that either.

Liv felt a tear roll down her cheek when she saw the next one. It was her favourite picture of the three of them. Taken at Christmas by Chas, they were sat on the sofa at Lisa's, Liv in between the pair of them in their horrific jumpers, wide smiles on their faces while Aaron stuck two fingers behind Liv's head. She wanted to go back to that time, when Robert wasn't ill, when Aaron was still buzzed off their engagement...when Robert was still alive.

_Where our eyes are never closing, hearts are never broken, and time's forever frozen still._

They still remembered when Robert took his last breath. Aaron had been stroking his hair, tears flowing down his face. He knew that it was the end. Liv has been at the other side of Robert, their arms linked together, while Victoria was sat at his leg, holding his hand. Robert struggled to talk, he didn't have the energy to lift his hand up, but he had told them all he loved them before eventually passing.

Aaron wanted to go back in time, he didn't know where to though. He was happy with Robert, he loved him. Their wedding had been the best day of his life and he'll never forget the feeling of kissing Robert as his husband for the first time. I swore it felt better than when they were boyfriends. Maybe he'd go back to just months before Robert was diagnosed. He'd tell him to go and get checked out, just in case. Maybe then the doctors could have operated. Maybe then, Robert would still be alive now. 

_So you can keep me, inside the pocket of your ripped jeans._

The night that Robert talked through all his photos, he gave a special picture to Aaron. "To put in your wallet." He had said. "So you don't forget me."

Aaron had smiled through watery eyes, kissing Robert gently because he didn't want to hurt him. "I'm never gonna forget you, idiot."

Aaron had looked down at the photo and was confused by it. "Where's this come from?" He asked.

Robert had gotten comfier in bed and took a breath before saying, "Vic sent it to me. Its a couple of weeks before we got together." 

The photo was Aaron sitting in a booth in the pub, with Robert smiling at him from behind. Victoria obviously took the picture without either of then knowing, but Aaron was laughing at something Adam had said, while Robert stared at him with love in his eyes.

_Holding me closer to our eyes meet. You won't ever be alone, wait for me to come home._

Robert wasn't at home anymore. His home wasn't with Aaron. He couldn't be with him. Aaron was alone, he didn't have his husband anymore. He wanted to go home to Robert.

 

 


	5. When I'm Old

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron's thoughts about being in love with Robert.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I heard this song at college the other day and instantly thought of Robert and Aaron.  
> Here I've changed things so Ed didn't exist and Aaron and Robert move in together before they get married.  
> Tumblr: @robertjacobsuggers

_You are my heaven, my twenty-four seven._

Aaron's never really been in love before. Yes, he had Jackson but Robert is the only person Aaron has had who left him with a burning chest and flushed cheeks. He fell deep, quickly. At first he didn't want to admit to being in love with him as he was off limits, but the way he acted around Robert soon left him with a realisation that people were getting suspicious. Now Aaron has Robert and can say the three words any time he wants to, he does, and Robert always replies.

_You make me who I am._

The Aaron people once knew was barely there anymore. People half expect to see him punching others and getting violent thugs sent to him in the village, but recently he has been more settled down. Robert had made him into a new man. Aaron was calmer, and surprisingly into public displays of affection. The first time they kissed in front of people, it had been an innocent kiss. Robert had said something that made Aaron laugh, and when Robert smiled in response of seeing his boyfriend look so free and happy, Aaron had leant forward and kisses his lips quickly. Memories of when Jackson touched Aaron's hand in the pub flooded people’s minds, some of them expecting Robert to end up on the floor, but instead Aaron's cheeks went slightly pink whilst Robert help his arm and said, "soft lad."

_We built our bridges, our love is our riches._

They bought the Mill and made it completely their own home. Every last detail was theirs, that they had picked out, together. Aaron still remembers how excited Robert got when they were putting their photos up, pride of place. He had spent what seemed like hours, choosing his favourite photos of the pair of them on various dates or the holidays they've shared together. Robert left a gap in the middle of the mantlepiece, and Aaron questioned it. Robert smiled at him and whispered "Wedding photos going there. When it happens." Aaron held his hand and rubbed his thumb over Robert's ring finger, as a promise that it will happen soon.

_We'll win all the battles, we'll hide in the shadows._

The love they shared wasn't always straightforward, and it won't ever be plain sailing. It had started as an affair, Robert married to Chrissie, when Robert had kissed Aaron. They knew it was going to be difficult, but it was worth it in the end, because they had finally made it. Aaron battled with his mental health before he met Robert, and will always fight that demon. But Robert had introduced different, healthy, coping mechanisms to him and assisting him to any counselling sessions he needed.

_Your words are all I breathe._

He remembers the first time he realised he was in love. It was the first night they had spent together, Robert had booked a hotel and they had a posh meal in the latest restaurant in town. Aaron turned in bed to face Robert while he was sleeping, and he realised that Robert was muttering words in his sleep. Aaron had to try not to laugh at some of the things he was saying as he tried to count Robert's freckles. He loved being this close to his face but he didn't get to do it often and so whenever he got the chance, he jumped at it. Twenty-nine. Aaron counted twenty-nine freckles scattered across Robert's cheeks and nose before he realised that there was no going back. He knew he loved Robert.

_We’ll make our own endings, there’s no more pretending._

It had been Aaron who had proposed eventually. He bought the ring two months before he actually got on one knee, and Robert was clearly shocked when it happened. Aaron could barely get any of the words he had planned out; instead of the long winded speech he settled on "I love you, will you marry me?" which seemed to have done the trick when Robert hugged him and wouldn't let go.

Their wedding had been the biggest thing they had ever planned, far more thought through than their move into the Mill was. Robert had turned into 'Groomzilla', perfecting every little detail. He had asked Aaron what he wanted, but Aaron just insisted that as long as he and Robert could start their married life together and stayed as happy as they could be, he would have the ceremony in the middle of the street in their pyjamas. Just say you'll never leave. If you had to ask Aaron what his favourite part of his and Robert's wedding would be, he would have to say the end of the night. They had both gotten slightly too drunk, resulting in Robert thinking he could carry Aaron over the thresh hold. They were both giggling and struggling to stand up straight, but they had finally gotten into their home and Robert wrapped his arms around Aaron's waist, both swaying together. Robert hummed a tune which Aaron vaguely remember as a song Robert had played to him on their first trip away. Aaron rested his head on Roberts shoulder and breathed in the smell of his husband, alcohol and aftershave mixing together. Aaron kissed Robert's neck and moaned against the skin, Robert instantly becoming weak. He grabbed Aaron's hand and they made their way upstairs to spend the night in bed.


	6. Six Degrees of Separation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Aaron have temporarily broken up, but they both know they sill want to be together.   
> Song: Six Degrees of Separation- The Script

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter does include Aaron drinking excessively, so if that affects you, please don't read this one.  
> I did want to write a happier fic, but this is what came out. Hopefully I will be uploading a fluffy happy fic within the next few days though.  
> Also taken liberties with the lyrics and mixed them around a little.  
> Tumblr: @robertjacobsuggers

_You've read the books._

Robert was the reader in their relationship. He loved the evenings where he settled down in bed, with Aaron at the side of him, whilst getting invested in the latest Stephen King novel. He had tried to get Aaron into reading, but it was many failed attempts as Aaron would rather cuddle next to Robert, watching him as his facial expressions changed with every turn of the page. Secretly, they both loved the nights where Robert was reading a book, whilst Aaron scrolled through his phone, looking at his boyfriend every so often, with their legs intertwined under the cover. But they didn't have that anymore. Robert's 'stupid books' aren't in Aaron's room. And Robert didn't read the thrillers anymore, he preferred something relatable, like a book where a couple with a promising future breaks up.

_You've watched the shows._

Aaron loved watching shows. He enjoyed nothing more than sitting on the sofa after a long and tiring day at the scrapyard, with a British crime drama playing on the TV. He believed that he could be more invested in the thrilling action shows than Robert was in his books. After a long time of being persuaded, Robert had finally agreed to take a day off work with Aaron, just so they could binge watch the latest popular box set. They got comfortable together, with their popcorn and beer within arms reach after Aaron spilt the food over the both of them after jumping at a particularly scary moment. But they couldn't have this anymore. Robert no longer lived with Aaron. They couldn't just cuddle together. Aaron had to watch shows alone now, focusing more on the couple who had just broken up.

_What's the best way, no one knows, yeah, meditate, get hypnotized. Anything to take it from your mind, but it won't go._

It had been two weeks since they last saw each other. They had been avoiding each other ever since their argument. Aaron had pushed Robert out the door and he hadn't been back since. Robert was stood against a beam outside David's shop, waiting for Victoria to make a move so he could finally get home. He had been working all day, in a small office, with Adam glaring at him with every opportunity he got. Robert had practically run from the scrapyard when he finished looking through the new contracts and filing them all away. He knew Aaron was outside working on a car, but he didn't want to cause another argument and so he avoided looking up at him at all cost.

Aaron hid away for the first few days, not wanting to listen to anybody saying "I told you Robert would break your heart." When he eventually resurfaced, Adam had told him that Robert was currently living with him and Victoria, but Adam was succeeding in making his life a misery. "Leave him," Aaron had responded. "Don't make it worse, we're both hurting."

Of course Aaron didn't know how Robert was feeling, but deep down he begged and pleaded that Robert was feeling the same way as him, like utter shit. He didn't know what to do, all he wanted was to go and see Robert and hug him close, but he knew they both needed time. So every time he saw Robert, he quickly turned around to avoid him.

Night after night, Aaron got drunk, thinking that his drunk state of mind would magically erase all the memories he had with Robert, but it didn't. He looked through all the photos he couldn't bare to part with on his phone. Memories of him and Robert in happier times, some even before they were officially together. One particular photo caught his attention as he had never seen it before. It must have been taken by Liv when they went on their first family holiday together, where Aaron was led on Robert's knee, looking up at Robert whilst Robert had one hand in the sand and one hand trying to steal Aaron's sunglasses. They both had smiles on their faces and looked so in love. Aaron had remembered that moment, he remembered how Robert was laughing because he couldn't kiss Aaron while he had glasses on, but Aaron refused to take them off. He remembered Robert pouting when Aaron wouldn't take his glasses off, and so Aaron laughed at his face, before lifting the shades to his head and leaned forward to kiss him.

_First, you think the worst is a broken heart._

Robert had spent the first night without Aaron crying. Like, really crying. He hadn't felt like this before. Of course, he was broken hearted when his parents died, and when Aaron had told Chrissie about the affair. But in that moment, he felt as though his heart had been ripped out and stamped on repeatedly. He knew he messed up, but it was bound to happen soon, right? He didn't want this to happen though. He never wanted to lose Aaron.

Aaron hadn't stopped crying from the moment he had slammed the door in Robert's face. He just kept replaying the moment over and over in his head. 

"You cheated on me!" Aaron screamed, as his voice cracked under his tears.

Robert didn't even deny it, he just kept saying "It was a kiss, Aaron. I swear it meant nothing! I love you, not him!" 

Aaron never thought Robert would cheat on him. He thought they had settled down together. He let Robert move in with him and his little sister! He could imagine his whole future for once; marriage, pets, kids! And he saw it all with Robert.

_What's gonna kill you is the second part._

It had been three whole days since they broke up, and Aaron still didn't feel like talking about it. He knew it would take weeks, months, years maybe, to get over Robert. His first encounter with something that reminded him of Robert was when he woke himself up from another brutal hangover. He had gone downstairs to make himself a brew, but when he pulled his own mug, his fingers brushed the mug that Liv bought Robert for his birthday. He thought he was all out of tears, but that wasn't the case as he cried whilst remembering Robert's reaction to actually getting a present from Liv.

 

 

Robert moved around the small bed in Victoria's spare bedroom, tossing and turning as he couldn't sleep. After spending the past couple of days trying to avoid every Dingle in the village, he decided to send his sister around to the pub so she could get Robert's clothes. She didn't grab that many because she's optimistic that everything that happened between Robert and Aaron was just a big misunderstanding and that they'll get back to being that annoying couple everyone hated to love, but did it anyway. What she did manage to get though, was Aaron's black hoodie. Robert hadn't let go of it since he found it in the bottom of the duffle bag, silently thanking Victoria for stealing this. He pushed it on over his head, letting the hood sit on top of his fluffy hair. He put the sleeves in his hand, like he knew Aaron did, and lifted them to his face, closing his eyes and inhaling deeply, the woody scent of Aaron making him feel like he was actually there.

_And the third, is when your world splits down the middle._

It had been Adam who managed to do what seemed impossible. He broke Robert's heart further. Both of them had been in a glaring competition when Adam had told Robert that Aaron was fine. Obviously, Robert wanted Aaron to be happy, but there was just something about him being heartbroken while Aaron went out clubbing, being happy. He wanted Aaron to himself. He wanted Aaron to help him, he just wanted Aaron.

Victoria had managed to split Aaron's world in half. She convinced him that Robert didn't have Aaron's hoodie. He had been looking for it for days, and he had come to the conclusion that Robert had it. When asked, Victoria denied it, but deep down she knew that her brother was probably at home wearing it. Aaron was gutted. He loved the idea that Robert missed him that much that he would wear Aaron's clothes. Aaron always loved the mornings when it was too cold for Robert to walk around topless, so he put whatever hoodie or jacket of Aaron's he could find.

_And fourth, you're gonna think that you've fixed yourself._

He thought he was okay now. Well, not completely okay. But he could think about Aaron without crying now. Aaron thought the same too, so much so that he finally ventured into the pub to have dinner with Adam and Victoria. 

They both weren't prepared to come face to face with each other, no matter how much they believed they were fixed. 

Robert looked up at Aaron as he walked in from the back, his breath hitched when their eyes met. Robert emptied the last bit of his pint before nodding to Aaron who was standing still. "I'll leave. You have a good night." Robert said and before Aaron could even respond, he turned around and left.

Aaron couldn't move. It was the first time in over a month that he had heard Robert speak. He thought he was finally moving on with his life, but his voice brought Aaron right back to the start.

_Fifth, you_ _see them out with someone else._

Robert was in the pub, having what seemed to be a cosy date. The man opposite him was in a nice suit, one that Robert would probably wear to a posh event. From afar, Aaron watched on, trying to not make it obvious that he was jealous that Robert had moved on. Aaron's face and heart sank when Robert and the man stood up together, before hugging each other. Robert let the man leave and he put their glasses on the bar. Aaron moved to clear the glasses, but mainly he wanted to talk to Robert. 

"Nice date?" Aaron asked Robert as he put the glasses under the bar. 

"You what?" Robert asked, genuinely confused. "Ohhh, Mark? Yeah it was alright..except, it wasn't a date. Strictly business between us. He has a wife and kids."

Aaron bit his lip and nodded, but couldn't resist going further. "Yeah well I thought it was 'strictly business' between us too, and you know how that turned out."

Robert put his wallet in his pocket before saying, "Yeah well. That was you, you know I could never resist you."

_And the sixth, is when you admit that you may have messed up a little._

Two weeks after that encounter in the pub, Robert was back where he belonged. In Aaron's arms. They were led in bed, taking things slowly, Aaron had his arms wrapped around Robert whist they kissed slowly and passionately. When they pulled away, Robert muttered "'M sorry." before kissing Aaron again.

Aaron pulled back a bit to ask "What for?"

Robert sat up slightly, and Aaron followed, knowing that it was going to get serious. He stroked Aaron's cheek, looking directly into his eyes while saying, "I shouldn't have kissed him. I know that. I'm so sorry Aaron."

Aaron frowned as Robert looked away. "Hey, it's fine. Look, we'e back together now. I know it was a mistake, and I trust you when you say you won't do it again. I love you Rob, nothing is ever gonna change that." 

Robert kissed Aaron's forehead and let his lips rest there for a while. He could feel the vibrations as Aaron continued to speak "And I know I messed up as well. Next time we argue, I promise we'll talk it out and I won't just slam the door in your face. Not at first anyway."

Robert chuckled against Aaron's forehead. 

"Yeah, we'll be alright."

 


	7. Two Ghosts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Aaron after their break up, looking back at memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quite a dark chapter, warnings for panic attacks and scars.  
> Song:Two Ghosts - Harry Styles  
> Tumblr: @robertjacobsuggers

_Same lips red, same eyes blue_.

His lips were always red, sometimes dry and rough to kiss. Those times, Aaron loved it when Robert took control, crackly lips brushing upon his own, hurting slightly, but turning him on all the same. But the kisses Aaron loved the most were the ones when they had been kissing for so long, their hands searching each other’s body, mouths following. When Robert’s lips are almost red raw and inflamed as he pulls back, but still leans in for more.

Aaron loved Robert’s eyes. They looked blue from far away, eyelashes long and covering them slightly. He especially loved Robert’s eyes when their faces were almost touching and Aaron was looking directly into them. He could see the red veins either side of the white, the green mixed in with the blue, the light making them seem so much brighter than they actually are. He loved the wrinkles at the side of his eyes, the ones that Robert hated because they “remind him that he’s getting older.” Aaron remembers when he saw Robert laugh so much at him, the person sat on top of his crotch, so much so that the wrinkles were extra prominent and when he opened his eyes, they had filled with water, making the blue and green even brighter.

_Same white shirt_

Robert always did wear some awful shirts, the ones he never could get rid of after his break up with Chrissie. He said that he kept them for business meetings, but Aaron knew he struggled to let go of that part of his life, no matter how much he loved Aaron. Aaron’s favourite shirt of Robert’s was definitely his plain white one. His ‘comfort’ shirt. He loved to wear it on cold days when him and Aaron didn’t want to leave their bed, Aaron cuddling into the familiar scent. He loved to wear it under that black jacket, the closest one to a hoodie that Aaron could get him to wear. Aaron loved seeing him wear it the days where he helped at the scrapyard, his chest straining against the white material, making Aaron want to get him home and on top of him as soon as possible.

_Couple more tattoos_

They weren’t tattoos, but some were definitely permanent. They both knew that, they both had them. Aaron had one on his leg, just below his knee. He got it from falling as a teenager, riding the streets on his bike, jumping off any raised bit of concrete he could find. This particular time, he landed knee first, right on to a piece of glass. All that was left now was the memory and a bumpy scar, one that people only saw when Aaron mentioned it.

Robert’s scar was bigger than Aaron’s, covering a large part of his chest. For the both of them, it’s a reminder of the time he almost died. When the ‘Great’ Robert Sugden’s mouth got him in trouble. You could see where the surgeons had stitched his skin back together, skin raised and a different shade to the rest of him. It still hurt him, both emotionally and physically. His chest still twinged from time to time, and he couldn’t exercise as much as he used to without losing his breath. But he could live with it.

_But it's not you and it’s not me_

Robert was barely recognisable after him and Chrissie broke up. Of course, he looked the same physically, but Aaron could see that a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He wasn’t living a double life anymore. Yes, he still loved Chrissie, but ever since Aaron came into his life, he had been falling in love with him at the same time. Aaron had expected him to become a recluse, not wanting to speak to anybody, but he had sat with Aaron just days later, in front of the whole village and just let them gossip around him.

_Tastes so sweet, looks so real_

No matter what Aaron had been through in the past, Robert was always there helping him through it in the present. He attended counselling sessions with Aaron, holding his hand as he talked about all the terrible things he had been through in the past.

It made Aaron real. He wasn’t this perfect human being that people saw when they looked at him. Robert knew the real him, the broken, un-filtered version of him. The man who cried himself to sleep. The man who sat on his bathroom floor, throwing up because he had cried that much. The man that sometimes didn’t let Robert touch him because it was a bad day.

_Sounds like something that I used to feel_

Aaron remembered the affair, about two or three months in. He remembered how they had become closer, when it wasn’t just a cheap night together, when things became more intimate. He remembered the time Robert was on top of him, their ankles intertwined and Robert’s open mouth on his chest. He remembered how it felt to have Robert’s tongue flicking around his nipple, over sensitive. He remembered the vibrations he felt against his chest, his neck, his jaw, as Robert laughed at Aaron’s quiet moans, still shy of how Robert makes him feel.

_But I can’t touch what I can see_

The first time Robert had witnessed Aaron crying that much he was making himself sick and struggling to breathe, hunched over and sweating; he didn’t know what to do. He held out his arm, trying to get closer to Aaron, but he just cowered away, breathing out a “No”.

Aaron had struggled during the affair. He had never been through something like that before. He was used to being in a normal relationship, used to being able to hold his boyfriend. But he couldn’t do that with Robert, he couldn’t touch him in public, even when it was what they both wanted. Aaron couldn’t even call him his boyfriend. To everyone else, they weren’t even friends.

_We’re not who we used to be_

Even now, it was like they were back having an affair. Except this time, they couldn’t even hold each other in private. There was no more touches, no more kisses. They had broken up. They were heartbroken, both wanting to get back to how they used to be, happy, and in love.

_We’re just two ghosts standing in the place of you and me, trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat._

It’s like they were invisible to each other now. If Robert walked into a room where Aaron was, Aaron would walk out and vice versa. They looked right through each other, not talking to each other, not even sharing a look like they used to do.

Robert remembered the first night they shared together, how he led with his head on Aaron’s chest, Aaron’s arm around his shoulder. He remembered how it felt to have his head rising at the same time Aaron’s chest rose. If he could listen carefully enough, he could hear each individual beat of Aaron’s heart, sighing as he relaxed against the steady beat.

_The fridge light washes this room white_

Aaron once crept out of Robert’s bed, the first night he spent up at Home Farm that Easter. He didn’t know where he could go to, so he quietly made his way downstairs into the kitchen. He didn’t hear Robert follow him down not even five minutes later, after losing the heat that Aaron produced against his front. Aaron had been sat on the seat closest to the fridge, the item being opened slightly, white light escaping and hitting against the wall. Robert padded into the room, scratching his stomach and asked Aaron what he was doing up so early. He kissed the very back of Aaron’s neck as he replied and shut the fridge, all light being lost from the room now.

_Moon dances over your good side_

One night, Robert had fallen asleep before Aaron, which was really unusual for them. He led on his right side, his right arm spread out across the bed and Aaron sat up watching him sleeping. He noticed how the moon coming through the gap in the curtains had lit up Robert’s face, highlighting his freckles and flushed cheeks. His blonde hair looked perfect in the natural light, all different shades and falling over his forehead. He looked so soft, so gentle. Aaron stroked his hair softly, stopping every time he moved or made a noise.

_This was all we used to need_

All they needed was each other. That’s what they used to say. That’s what made them happy. Now when they spend time together, they’re never happy. Aaron doesn’t smile when Robert walks into a room, Robert isn’t giddy at the idea of seeing Aaron every day. They remember a time when a simple “good morning” text when they were apart was enough. They remember a time when waking up in each other’s arms was enough.

_Tongue-tied like we’ve never known_

“I love you” Aaron whispered against Robert’s lips.

Robert stopped mid kiss, in shock at Aaron’s words. It was the second time Aaron had ever said it to him, the first time being at Robert’s wedding.

“I love you too.” Robert responded with a sigh of relief, leaning up to Aaron who was hanging over him and kissing him again.

Aaron rolled his hips against Robert, grounding down on him as their tongues tangled together. Robert moaned against Aaron’s mouth, fingers digging into his side and breath mingling together.

_Telling those stories we already told_

Everyone in the village thought they knew the story of Robert and Aaron; how they had had an affair, how Robert had helped Aaron through one of the toughest times in his life, how they had eventually found their way back to each other and how they eventually broke up.

They had told them the basic story, but it was only the two of them that knew the full truth. And that’s how it would always be. Only Robert and Aaron would know how difficult it was to stay away from each other. Only they would know how they fell in love. Only Robert and Aaron would know, and understand, their story, and how it came to an end so suddenly.

_‘Cause we don’t say what we really mean_

It wasn’t a simple matter of them falling out of love. They still did love each other. They always will. Aaron just couldn’t cope, he had too much going on in his head, feelings getting muddled. He wanted Robert, he _loved_ Robert. But that just wasn’t enough to keep him going. Robert had tried, he really did, but in the end, no amount of love and support and counselling could save Aaron from his own head.

They loved each other, so they both had to let go.


	8. Can I Be HIm?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert pines after Aaron.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just because I feel like everyone needs a little bit of cheering up.  
> Song: Can I Be Him?- James Arthur  
> Tumblr: @robertjacobsuggers

_You walked into the room and now my heart has been stolen._

Aaron walked into the pub, his pale blue shirt rolled up at the sleeves, exposing more of his arm than normal. It had been hot recently and he would have preferred to have been working at the scrapyard all day, but someone had to go to a meeting, and that someone just happened to be him. He had a pair of navy trousers on, ones that were considerably tighter to his usual baggy jeans or joggers, meaning they accentuated his features just that little bit more.

Robert could feel his heart racing as he watched Aaron scan the room and walk over to a table with Adam. Behind his pint glass he looked over to the table every so often, trying to hear what they were talking about but he was unsuccessful. What he did notice was Aaron’s face lighting up as his eyes followed Adam’s lips, both laughing at whatever _stupid_ joke Adam had clearly told.

Deep down, Robert knew there was nothing going on between Aaron and Adam. But their closeness continued to annoy him because all Robert wanted to do was make Aaron smile like that.

_You took me back in time to when I was unbroken. Now you’re all I want, and I knew it from the very first moment._

He had struggled with his mental health. Robert had a fear of being unwanted, probably brought on around the time his father told him to leave the village. During that time, he had hidden his true sexuality, dating girl after girl after girl and sleeping with men behind their backs. He didn’t want to admit he was bisexual. He was too scared of it, not ashamed. His father had beaten him black and blue as a teenager for shyly kissing another boy and that was enough to scare him into not doing it again for over five years.

Holding this secret in for so long caused so many problems. He constantly looked behind his back, terrified that his latest girlfriend had somehow seen him outside the local gay bar. Aaron had helped him through that.

He had recognised him when he came back to the village; not as Victoria’s brother, but as the ‘blondie from the bar’. Robert begged, or rather _, threatened_ , Aaron in to not saying anything. Instead, Aaron managed to help Robert through coming out, letting him take his time and do it on his own terms.

Without knowing, Aaron had made Robert a better person. He had helped him come out to everyone, thus making his mental state just that bit better.

Robert didn’t regret coming out, but one thing he did regret is not getting the courage to talk to Aaron in the bar. He had seen him a few times and found him attractive, but each time Robert saw him, he was with who he presumed to be his boyfriend. _Adam._

_Cause a light came on when I heard that song, and I want you to sing it again._

They had actually gone back to that bar almost a month after Robert had come out. Victoria had managed to convince Aaron, Robert and Adam that the four of them should go on a night out, and Bar West was apparently top of the list of places to go.

Robert was apprehensive about going. He didn’t really want to see Aaron being chatted up by men that weren’t him, so he would’ve rather had stayed at home.

But if he had stayed at him he wouldn’t have witnessed Aaron getting perhaps a tad too drunk. His hair had fallen from the fluffy quiff he normally styled it like these days, half sticking to his sweaty forehead. His cheeks were flushed from the heat of the room and Robert swore he’d never see the day that Aaron Dingle willingly danced. But he did. Aaron had his pint in one hand and his other up in the air, almost swaying his hips to whatever pop music was on. Robert had witnessed his eyes light up at the change in music, now playing a more recognisable tune of the Arctic Monkeys. Aaron danced more, and at the chorus of the song he began singing along, his arm dropping quite heavily onto Robert’s shoulder, practically shouting the lyrics into his face. “With your hand between your thighs.”

Robert blushed at Aaron’s words, pulling him away from him slightly and walking over to the bar and ordering another pint.

_I swear that every word you sing, you wrote them for me._

Robert had probably heard Aaron singing three times in the time he knew him. The first and most memorable would be that night at Bar West, Aaron singing promiscuous lyrics right at Robert in his very drunk state.

He remembered going home that night, tipsy, but certainly nowhere near as bad as the others, and lying in bed. He thought about seeing Aaron so relaxed and happy and he knew he wanted to see that all the time.

The other two times hadn’t been anything memorable, just hearing Aaron singing along to the radio at the scrapyard or in the kitchen. He had smiled both times, before coughing, letting Aaron know that he wasn’t alone. Aaron had been startled both times and then ended up denying that he was singing along.

_Like it was a private show, but I know you never saw me._

Robert loved to think back to that night in particular and imagine that Aaron was singing those words to him. Obviously, he wasn’t, he didn’t know what he was doing. But, Robert felt so giddy at Aaron knowing exactly what he does to Robert. What he does to Robert’s body.

He wanted Aaron to be singing those words to him, he didn’t want it to be to anybody else. He wanted Aaron to recognise him. To see that Robert wanted him.

_When the lights come on and I’m on my own, will you be there to sing it again?_

The morning after that night out, Robert had climbed out of bed, a low buzz in his head, and padded downstairs topless. He saw Aaron crashed out on the sofa, one hand bent in an awkward position and his mouth open, drooling. Leaving Aaron for the time being, he flicked the kettle on and decided on making a brew for them both, before deciding to try and wake Aaron up.

“Ugh.” Aaron groaned as he finally sat up. He rubbed his hand hard across his mouth, trying to regain any dignity he lost by getting rid of his dried drool. His voice cracked under his dry throat (and maybe seeing Robert topless but nobody needed to know that) as he continued, “What did I even do last night?”

Robert passed him the mug, which Aaron took gratefully. “Nothing out of the ordinary really.” He practically saw Aaron breathe a sigh of relief. “Well you did start singing, but that can be our secret.”

_Could I be the one you talk about in all your stories? Can I be him?_

Robert walked into the cabin at the scrapyard and pulled out the Richardson file, not concentrating on what he had just walked in to. Aaron was sat at his desk, talking to a client and thankfully it was just a member of the public and not a professional because Robert had scowled at the file and slammed it down onto Adam’s desk. Aaron rolled his eyes at Robert’s usual behaviour and continued his talk. “So yeah, Adam, he’s my business partner, he ended up…” Robert didn’t listen for much longer. He didn’t want to hear Aaron’s stories about Adam, he had probably already heard it before. All Aaron ever seemed to talk about was Adam. Robert wanted to be the person Aaron talked to clients about. He wanted Aaron to introduce him at business events as “Robert: my boyfriend.”

_I heard there was someone but I know he don’t deserve you. If you were mine I’d never let anyone hurt you._

There had been rumours floating about the village that Aaron had met someone. Of course, this gossip spread like wildfire because Aaron had been single for so long that everyone just had to tell everyone. It was the man Robert had seen at the scrapyard. He knew it. He was attractive, even Robert would admit that. But he should have known that he was no good for Aaron.

It had been about a month after the initial rumours that Aaron had stormed into Adam and Victoria’s house. Robert had been sat in the kitchen when he heard Aaron angrily collapsing onto the sofa and he went off to find out what was wrong with him.

Apparently, Aaron had seen him with another man, kissing against a wall in town. He had tried to explain that he didn’t mean to do it, but Aaron didn’t stick around for long to hear him try to explain. He was sure he would get the point that it was over between the two of them.

All Robert could think was “I’d never do that to you.”

_I wanna dry those tears, kiss those lips. It’s all that I’ve been thinking about._

He had turned up at the scrapyard the next day, demanding that Aaron should talk to him. Luckily, Robert had been there to defend Aaron, screaming “He doesn’t want to see you! Get the message that it’s over between the two of you and leave my property.”

He had left after that, and when Robert had turned around to see if Aaron was okay, he saw him with tear marks all down his face. “Hey, you okay?” Robert asked as he leant against Aaron’s desk, putting his hand on his shoulder.

Aaron sniffled and wiped his cheeks. “Yeah, I will be.” He looked up at Robert and attempted to smile. “Thanks.”

Robert, without thinking, held his hand out and rubbed the fresh tears that had fallen whilst they were speaking. Aaron furrowed his eyebrows at Robert’s reaction, but neither of them made any effort to pull away. Robert softly stroked further across Aaron’s face, the pad of his thumb coarse against Aaron’s already dry lips. Robert wanted to kiss him, so bad, but he just couldn’t right now. He pulled his hand away and Aaron stood up as it was retracted. Aaron put his hands either side of Robert’s face and leaned in. Their lips slipped in between one anothers and stayed there for a while, neither of them feeling the need to go further.

Robert finally was the ‘him’ he desired to be.


	9. Small Bump

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Robert get ready for their baby son, but he is ripped away from them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another emotional one, I'm sorry. But I love this song and I've wanted to do it for so long.  
> Song: Small Bump-Ed Sheeran.  
> Tumblr: @robertjacobsuggers

_You’re just a small bump unborn, in four months you’re brought to life._

They’re five months pregnant. Well, their surrogate is. A boy. Their little boy. They’d chosen his name as soon as they found out what they were having, and Robert was so excited that he drove to B&Q to buy a pastel blue shade of paint to decorate his room. Aaron’s first purchase for their little boy was the Moses basket, a white one with blue ribbons. They were both counting down the days until his due date, writing it on the chalkboard in the kitchen. **November 27 th.**

They loved the bump she had, very prominent against her small frame, as she said she was with her own children. She texted them with updates every so often, sometimes she’d even send them a picture or video of the bump, both of them instantly saving the moment on their phones to remember every step of the pregnancy.

_You might be left with my hair, but you’ll have your mother’s eyes_.

Biologically, they don’t know which of them the dad is. But the surrogate they chose is someone who has the traits of both of them, Robert’s blonde hair and Aaron’s blue eyes. They hope that this will help their son look like a mix of both of them as he grows up, but it doesn’t really matter. They’ll still love him the same.

Secretly though, Robert wished their son would have Aaron’s eyes because he loved Aaron’s eyes. They were the perfect shade of blue, and when you looked closer, there were flakes of green, and when you looked even closer, with your faces almost pressed together, you could see the tiniest glimmer of yellow in there. He’d love their son to have that.

_I’ll hold your body in my hands, be as gentle as I can._

They can’t wait for the day they get to hold their little boy. Aaron keeps having dreams about seeing Robert asleep, topless, with their newborn son pressed to his chest, also asleep. He can just imagine holding him for the first time, this tiny baby in his strong arms.

They know they’ll have to be gentle with him, holding him in their big arms. But they’ll love him with all their heart so they’ll keep him safe.

_And now you’re a scan of my unmade plans, small bump, in four months you’re brought to life._

The first scan photo had taken pride of place on the fireplace, and every one after that had ended up in order, showing the growth of their son. They had to change everything, moving the sofas around and buying a stairgate before he was even born. Instead of Robert’s newspaper rack, they’d bought a toy box, already full to the brim of fluffy and obnoxiously bright toys.

Aaron knew that he’d have to take a step back from the scrapyard once he was here, but for the months leading up to the birth now, he was putting in extra shifts, trying to get through as much as possible so Adam didn’t end up working flat out.

_You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight, and you'll be alright._

The thought of his- _their_ son, being in their arms, holding his tiny arm out and grasping hold of their thumbs brought tears to Aaron’s eyes. They were both so excited to feel his entire hand wrapped around their one finger, like it had always belonged there.

_Fingernails the size of a half grain of rice, and eyelids closed to be soon open wide._

“Aaron, look! This is the size of his fingernails.” Robert shouted excitedly as he held up a broken piece of rice.

He was making them all chicken curry, but as all things recently, his excitement had turned to the size in which his son, or his features, would be. It had started with a grape, when Liv had read somewhere that he’d be the size of one roughly. At first, it was only Aaron and Robert who had known they were going to become fathers, but once Liv had found out, there was no stopping her endless stream of facts that she searched when she probably should have been sleeping.

“Aw, that’s tiny!” Aaron cooed, rubbing Robert’s back.

_You can lie with me, with your tiny feet. When you’re half asleep, I’ll leave you be._

“Rob, these shoes are too cute to not buy!” Liv stropped in the middle of the shopping centre.

He knew taking her clothes shopping would be a disaster, but at least it was still better than him dragging Aaron around.

“He’s not gonna walk straight away Liv, we can’t buy those shoes yet.” Robert attempted to stop her from causing a scene.

“Aaron would let me.”

“Fine, buy them.”

It was worth it just to see Aaron’s smile when Liv presented the white trainers to him, the tiny soles not even taking up half of Aaron’s palm. Robert knew what he was thinking, about how small their son’s feet would be, they’d been comparing that just the week before.

_Cause you were just a small bump unborn for four months then torn from life. Maybe you were needed up there but we're still unaware as why._

Tears. The only thing they could do was cry. In four months, they should have their son in their arms, alive and well. They should be crying tears of joys, after finally becoming dads. But instead, they were heartbroken, clinging onto each other in hope that it wasn’t true, that she hadn’t miscarried.

Their son, their _Ollie_ was ripped away from them when they wanted him the most. When they were ready for him, and to spend the rest of their lives fussing over him.

Instead of celebrating his first birthday, and loving his girlfriend, and standing by him as he got married, they wouldn’t even get to see their child take his first breath. He wouldn’t even have a first breath.

They mourned the loss of him, had a funeral and still they couldn’t bring themselves to get rid of his stuff. The stuff he would never see, or they would ever see him use.

The shoes that Liv bought were still in the box. A pristine white that would never be scuffed. Aaron held onto them one night when he thought Robert was asleep. He so wanted to see Ollie wearing them, and he even imagined buying another pair when he got older and started to walk, just so he could see his boy toddling about the village in them.

Robert held on to a teddy they had bought together when they found out they were having a boy. A blue one, with a royal blue ribbon. That same night, he led in bed, the teddy in his arms and his face squished into it, trying to not cry out loud.

They must have heard each other, because they ended up shuffling towards each other, their foreheads touching, still holding on to Ollie’s items, but now between the pair of them.

 


	10. POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert has depression.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so if you know me, you should be aware that my favourite group of all time is Mcfly, and yesterday marked the one year anniversary of me seeing them so I decided to write this fic.  
> Song: POV-McFLY

** POV **

_I’m getting tired of asking, this is the final time. So did I make you happy?_

“Were you ever happy with me?” Aaron asked, voice weak and hoarse from all the screaming.

He was sat at the table, hand running through his gel-free hair, tear streaks down his face. Robert wasn’t much better – his hair all dishevelled and skin blotchy from crying. It was a sunny morning in November, the air crisp from the winter weather, but the sun beaming through the windows made everything better. Liv had gone to school a few hours previous, with the routine the family unit had day in day out: Robert wakes her up while Aaron made breakfast, meets Gabby at the bus stop while the adults got ready for the rather short commute to work.

Robert winced at Aaron’s tone. “You know I was! I still am.” Robert answered, warm tears bubbling up again. “It’s just not enough. I love you, Aaron. I always will. It just hasn’t been right for a long time.”

_Because you cried an ocean, when there’s a thousand lines, about the way you smile, written in my mind._

It had taken weeks, if not months, for Aaron to trust Robert again. They’d started by going on dates, proper ‘get suited and booted’ type dates, that only Robert would enjoy, but Aaron would sneakily love because he got to see Robert, _his_ Robert, be the person he fell in love with again.

Aaron would never tell anyone, but one of his fondest moments of Robert was in a fancy restaurant, laughing at Aaron’s terrible attempts of reading the French menu. The candlelight made his face a golden colour, red flushed against his cheeks due to the laughs he’d been trying to hold in. Eyes squinted shut, crows feet at the side of them and his mouth wide with admiration made Robert look younger than he was, as though he hadn’t lived through a life of pain.

It had taken Robert even longer to open up to Aaron. He didn’t want to admit that the smile he painted on everyday was a lie. He dreaded the day Aaron found his pills, or the concealer he’d been using to cover the dark circles under his eyes. He didn’t want to be the broken one.

_But every single word’s a lie._

The screaming now was the same as when Aaron found out about Robert’s depression. He didn’t know what the pills were for, he just thought Robert had been self-medicating. Robert came home to find the bottle in the middle of the table, lid off and a few of the pills spinning around.

“What’s this?” Robert had asked, throwing his keys down onto the sofa, followed by his jacket.

Aaron had scoffed. “Oh I don’t know. But they seemed to be in your drawer, quite well hidden.”

“I can explain.”

“Please do Robert!” Aaron’s voice began to raise, wavering slightly as an indicator that he’d been crying. “You see, I think it’s hypocritical of you to sit and slag me off for taking spice to get through prison, but it’s fine for you to put whatever this is into your system?”

Robert’s face was red, tears already threatening to leak. “Anti-depressants.” He whispered, throat dry. “I’m depressed, Aaron.”

 

* * *

 

 

“You said you loved me. Rob, we’re getting married in three weeks, or are we just one big joke to you?” Aaron shouted, hands slamming against the table, a ringing sound echoing through Robert’s ears.

“I still do love you! I always will. There’s never been anybody like you, and I doubt there ever will again. I’m just not happy.” He admitted, head swinging low in shame. “It’s my head, there’s… it’s like a dark cloud hanging over me, and I want to be happy, but I just can’t be.”

_I never wanted everything to end this way, but you can take the bluest sky and turn it grey._

It wasn’t Robert’s fault, and Aaron knew that. They’d struggled, of course they did. It was never going to be an easy ride, with both of them seeing counsellors, and Robert on anti-depressants. There was days when Robert would be fine, he’d be out and about, making jokes and laughing with other people, and Aaron could tell that he was genuinely happy. But then something in him would switch within a matter of hours, and he’d be led in bed in the dark, too weak to even drink water.

It was the dark days that Aaron hated. He knew that he couldn’t help Robert, no matter how much he wished he could. They’d argued a lot on these days, when Aaron knew Robert had to do something, or when Aaron was in a good mood and Robert wasn’t.

After a while, Aaron began to realise that the best thing he could do was make sure Robert was comfortable, and that he was available if Robert needed him.

Robert didn’t want the relationship to end. He really didn’t. His worst nightmare was, and still is losing Aaron. But he needed to step away before it all became too much. Before they officially got married and it inevitably ended in divorce because he, or Aaron, couldn’t handle it.

_I swore to you that I would do my best to change, but you said it don’t matter._

Ever since Aaron found the pills, Robert had been trying his best to get better, and take his pills every day. Aaron had been helping him, setting a reminder on his phone for 11am every day, so he could text Robert and get him to take them.

Robert had promised he’d try and change for Aaron, that he’d try and be happy, because, in reality, his life was great. He was in a loving relationship, had a steady income, and he was finally part of a normal family.

Aaron told him instantly that he didn’t need to change. That he loved Robert the way he was.

_I’m looking at you from another point of view, I don’t know how the hell I fell in love with you._

Aaron’s head was spinning. Robert had left him. Just walked out and left Aaron’s heart in tatters. Seventeen days before they were due to get married, and Aaron was staring at the ring that Robert left behind.

In that moment, he just wished that he never fell in love with Robert; that they never kissed in December. Because if all that never happened, he wouldn’t be this heartbroken.

_I’d never wish for anyone to feel the way I do._

He remembered Robert saying that one night.

It had been a difficult night for the both of them, but they were led in the dark, Robert’s head resting on Aaron’s lap, and his finger’s running through Robert’s shower damp hair. “I’d never wish for anyone to feel the way I do.” Robert admitted quietly, voice muffled by Aaron’s thigh.

Aaron felt his heart clench at Robert’s words. He knew that Robert wasn’t feeling the best that night, but he was still putting others first. He’d spoken about it during the day, that if Liv or Victoria, or even Aaron himself, ever felt like Robert did, then he’d rather have their pain for them.

Now all Aaron could think was, “Who’s going to look after him?”


	11. You Are The Reason

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Aaron break up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, they've only just got back together in the show, but this was prompted to me on Tumblr and I couldn't resist.  
> Tumblr: @prettyboysugden  
> This song is "You Are The Reason" by Calum Scott.

****

** You Are The Reason **

_There goes my heart beating, cause you are the reason_

When they first met, Aaron didn’t really understand why, but he was just consumed by his heart beating tenfold. It was all he could hear, everything else going out the window. Each individual thump of his heart could be felt, and heard. He was surprised that Robert couldn’t hear it if he was completely honest.

Aaron didn’t really understand it, not properly. He’d never been like this when he first met someone, and looking back, he realises that that should have been a indicator for how special Robert would grow to be.

Robert didn’t realise what Aaron meant when he talked about how fast his heart beat when he was around Robert. He just assumed that it was normal, because that’s exactly what happened to Robert too. Except, one night, Robert learnt how Aaron felt. They’d been laid in bed together, Robert’s head on Aaron’s chest, his fingers tracing over Aaron’s body, making aimless patterns that didn’t show up. The sheets were wrapped around their legs, but Robert was wrapped around his boyfriend, keeping them both warm. He kissed Aaron’s chest gently, not wanting to move much, but desperately needing to taste Aaron, any little of him. When he settled back down and his ear was pressed against Aaron’s skin, all he could hear was the thud of Aaron’s heart.

He smiled, knowing that _he_ could make Aaron react like that.

And knowing that _Aaron_ made _him_ react like that.

_I’m losing my sleep, please come back now_

It was almost as if Aaron had lost a part of him. He couldn’t sleep, not without Robert by his side. He hadn’t had to do that for months, years even, and now it’s what he had to do for the foreseeable. Deep down, he knew he wanted Robert back. Robert wanted that too, desperately. But it would cause a lot of pain for everyone involved, and neither of them wanted to have that on their conscious.

Aaron rolled over, his quilt bunched up over his shoulders, the temperature having plummeted over the past couple of nights. Now laid on his left side, he opened his eyes ever so slightly, focusing on the clock on the side of the bed that once belonged to Robert. 3:17. A full five hours sleep, if that. He’d been given sleeping pills from his doctor, but he hadn’t even taken one in the week that he had them.

He wanted to sleep, he really did. But with Robert by his side.

Robert struggled to sleep too, being forced into his little sisters box room, a single bed that barely allowed him to sleep with his feet actually in the bed. It was lumpy and bumpy and didn’t smell of Aaron and Robert just couldn’t sleep without that familiarity. He missed the nights that he spent with his head pressed against the crook of Aaron’s neck; missed the nights when Aaron would come in late from work and just curl around Robert’s already sleeping body.

He barely slept, and when he did, he was having dreams about Aaron coming in the room and cuddling Robert until they woke up.

But then Robert woke up. And his dreams weren’t true. Not even at all.

_And there goes my mind racing, and you are the reason, that I’m still breathing, I’m hopeless now_

They saw each other again today. Walked past each other in the streets. Aaron smiled at Robert, and Robert smiled back, but both of them knew it wasn’t their real smiles. They’d seen them too many times before to know when their smiles didn’t reach their eyes. Robert hoped Aaron didn’t notice, but he was wearing Aaron’s hoodie under his jacket. It was the only one he owned, and it was the only thing of Aaron’s that he managed to keep after the break up.

Aaron noticed. Of course he did. He’d been looking for that hoodie for weeks, remembering when Robert had bought it for him, paying a ridiculous amount for something that Aaron would pay a tenner for in Primark. But the quality of it was incredible, and it was probably the softest thing he’d ever felt. Which is why Robert tended to steal it from him during their infamous lazy Sundays.

Robert felt his heart break all over again when he saw Aaron. It was almost like the first time they met, and his heart raced just like Aaron had explained, only for it to be shattered when Aaron carried on walking, getting further and further away from Robert.

_I’d climb every mountain, and swim every ocean_

They’d planned to go travelling together at one point in their life. Aaron had started it, saying that he wanted to go to as many European countries as possible, and that summer, Robert took him to Spain.

As much as it was a relaxing holiday, where the two of them spent all their time together, on beaches, or drinking cocktails, Robert really decided on Spain so he could take Aaron to meet Annie.

She loved him.

Of course she did.

She also embarrassed her grandson, but Robert figured that he may as well let her show Aaron the baby pictures and tell him all the stories, because nobody else was there to do it.

And then Aaron told Robert that he loved him in the moonlight as they walked hand in hand back to their villa, and Robert told Aaron that he loved him too and that he couldn’t wait to spend the rest of their lives together.

The next day, Aaron dragged Robert to Montserrat, and they spent the best part of their day climbing the beautiful mountain, sweating in the summer heat, and laughing as Aaron remembered the tales of Robert’s childhood, courtesy of Annie.

Then the next day, Robert just wanted to relax and sunbathe on a beach with Aaron. Aaron had warned him that the beach would be busy, but neither of them were really prepared for how packed it actually would be. They’d managed to sunbathe for a whole hour before it got too hot and they just couldn’t relax anymore. Robert had the genius idea of going into the sea to cool off, and Aaron had ended up going with him, the two of them messing about like big kids, throwing water over each other and attempting to wrestle each other into submerging.

_Just to be with you, and fix what I’ve broken_

Broken.

Robert broke Aaron. Aaron broke Robert.

It was toxic in the end really, the amount of arguments they ended up having.

When they were good, they were really good. In love, and didn’t seem to care who knew about it. They had been happy one minute, and broken the next, it seemed. They’d been arguing for weeks, slamming doors and tears streaming. It had gotten to the point where neither of them knew why they’d started arguing, but it just didn’t seem to end.

Robert had tried his hardest, he’d cooked them a meal, turned the lights off and just left it to be lit up by candlelight.

But Aaron didn’t turn up until hours later, slamming the front door and slurring as he climbed into bed. Robert could smell the booze and fags coming off of him, and all Aaron could say was that Robert knew Aaron was going out.

(He didn’t.)

The break was a mutual thing. Normally when people say that, it wasn’t. But for Robert and Aaron, it was. They’d handed their rings over to the other person after sitting down and having a civil conversation about having a break from each other. Robert let Aaron have the house that they made home together, and he moved into Victoria’s. They both cried into their goodbye kiss, Aaron saying “I’ll always love you”, and Robert whispering an “I’ll love you forever” into Aaron’s cheek, before pulling apart and going separate ways.

_Oh, cause I need you to see, that you are the reason_

Aaron held his phone in his hand, flicking through the photos and memories of him and Robert. He didn’t have the heart to delete them, act like that part of his life hadn’t happened. Robert didn’t deserve that. Robert was the best part of Aaron’s life.

He doesn’t know why, but for some reason, Aaron had taken it upon himself to text Robert one of the first photos of them, taken just after their first kiss. It had been during summer, both of them outside the pub drinking their refreshing pints. Both of them were flushed, and neither of them ever admitted it, but that definitely wasn’t because of the sun.

The text he sent alongside it?

“I miss you x”

 


End file.
